Monday, April 30, 2012

Jaws Theme Song

Since I don't know how to type out the theme song..I decide I would just type it like that!

Tomorrow is THE day. I have changed my mind about 100 times since I posted about my procedure. I have researched WAY too much and talked to WAY too many people. I have gone from having it, to not, to going straight for surgery, to seeing a different DR. I am now back at the beginning, having the HSG done.

I am trying to be calm about the procedure, it only lasts a few minutes so that will be OK, just scared of the results. I know we will do whatever it takes, we just have to pray for a positive outcome.

On a totally unrelated, and happy note. Eliza had a photo shoot this morning. She is being used as part of her swim schools promotional photos. We aren't sure if, or how much, her photo will be used, but I thought it was a fun thing to add to her baby book. We had to drive over an hour to the location and I was dreading it. Eliza doesn't do too well in the car lately. I decided to let her bring her wooby(blankey, lovie, whatever) and her paci. Those are usually only for bedtime but I know how much she loves them. She was GREAT!! I am now getting a few more woobies and they are allowed in the car. She even slept in the car on the way home! That almost never happens.

Eliza did really well with the photographer. She was shy at first, but as soon as they brought out all of the water toys she was all over them! I will post the photos if I receive any, or if I see her face up on a billboard :)

She has been super silly today, not sure what she got into...probably chocolate. Here are a few silly photos, don't mind her hair, that is after swimming hair!
Her special swim suit for pictures
Modeling is tiring!

This is how you get out, right?

Finally, on Saturday, our bathroom tile was finished. I have to say our new flooring guys were such a blessing. If you are in the Michigan area and need flooring, or fencing, done please contact Metter Flooring and Construction, I can't find their website for some reason so contact me if you want their direct contact info.

We have moved Eliza from taking baths in our room into her bathroom. She isn't sure about it, the tub is smaller and she is confused by the shower curtain. We will finally have our bathroom back, instead of every bath toy known to man all over the floors. Hopefully once that painting is redone I will post some photos.

 That is about all the is going on right now. I hope once some of this fertility stuff is out of the way I will get back into crafting and sewing, I just have had no drive lately!

I will be back to update tomorrow...hopefully with good news.

Please pray for us, for our future little ones, and our Dr and nurses. 

A few other silly photos:
Her new hair do, getting so long

My special outfit. Mommy loves personalized outfits!

Using daddies ear buds to listen to music

Sunday, April 29, 2012


Thursday, April 26, 2012

Never Easy

Yesterday I got a phone call that knocked me off my feet. The RE office called to let me know that my procedure is covered by my insurance, AWESOME, but it will cost me about $2000 out of pocket. I burst into tears. I understand that we are paying our deductible. We clearly have a VERY high deductible and have barely paid on it this year.

I cried and cried and cried to the lady on the phone asking for ways that this could be wrong. The woman was so sweet. She just sat and listened to me loose my mind. She told me to call the insurance company and ask certain questions so we could find out more. I did that, still $2k. I called Mark, I called my Aunt, I texted my best friend and everyone agreed THIS SUCKS.

Do we have the money to pay it? Yes, praise the Lord, but it is not what I expected to use that money for.

I think what I am most frustrated about is that this test might not even give us the answers as to what is going on, this is just the first step. They could get the results and say "Nope, all looks good" what a waste of money right??

I think I could have put out a wild fire with all of the tears I cried yesterday. I think Mark thought he might have to commit me. We discussed it and agreed to go through with the test. OK great...we went to the park and played, put Liezy to bed, then watched a movie. Right before bed I started second guessing myself.

I prayed over and over for God to give me the answer, tell me what the right thing to do is. I woke up feeling defeated, I asked why he didn't bring me the answer.

I texted my sister to tell her what was going on. She asked questions and helped me reason with it. She said what happens if you don't have the test. I said, we try to get pregnant and risk complications of miscarriage and placenta issues. She said "Would you pay $2k to not have a miscarriage?" I said of course...thanks God for giving me my answer.

So Tuesday I will have a test, and we will loose some money out of our savings, but we will be closer to our little peanut and our dreams.

It breaks my heart to see what people have to go through to have children, and my situation isn't even bad. I hear cases everyday of parents abandoning kids, or treating them poorly and it kills me what I would do to have that child.

Please pray that I continue to have peace with my decision. Please pray that my test results come back as everything is clear(gulp $2k for the all clear) and that our little one will be able to join us in the next year or two!

Thanks Mimi

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wednesday Wowzer

I usually do Wordless Wednesday but my friend just told me about a new bedding set at Pottery Barn and I am just dying over it!!

When I found out I was pregnant I knew I would do the little one's room in elephants. Side note: we used to call the baby Ello. It was a combination of our girl and boy name. I liked it better then saying it or baby. As the days got closer to finding out if we were having a boy or girl I decided I didn't like the boy name anymore, luckily she was our girl. OK back to the story.

When we found out Eliza was a girl I couldn't find an elephant themed room, that I liked, anywhere! I tried looking for custom stuff but it just wasn't happening. I settled on the brown and pink and moved on. As we start thinking about number 2 coming I know Eliza's room will change. She will be in a different room and I am ready to change it up a bit.

I have found what her room will be!!

So I would buy the sheet sets, both sets, and the elephant pillow. Then go with a solid color duvet so IF she ever got sick of elephants we wouldn't have to start all over in her room. I am doing everything in my power not to buy all of this right now. I mean, I COULD store it away until she was in a big girl bed...right?

They also now have the same set for a crib!

If we have a girl I might make them share a room JUST so they can have matching bedding!!

If anyone is feeling generous feel free to go over to Pottery Barn Kids and purchase in a full size bed set! Just kidding...kind of :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Quick Update

Heard back from the Doctor, HSG will be next Tuesday. Mark will drop me off, take Eliza to swim class, and then come pick me back up. I won't be able to drive they say(I think I can), so that's the plan.

I have to start an antibiotic on Saturday and then take Motrin500 an hour before I get there. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so hopefully it will be OK!

I am so excited to be closer to the answer, no matter what it is!

On a side note, Eliza has been loving on this doll that is in her room. My grandma made it for me when I was about 8 and I decided to display it in Eliza's room. Today I was doing my hair and she brought me the baby. It is porcelain so she isn't allowed to carry it around. I told her if she wants to hold the baby she has to sit down. She left the bathroom and brought back a box. She put the box down then climbed in it and said "please". She is just too much some days!!

Monday, April 23, 2012

And We Are Off...

This morning I got up bright and early(thank you Eliza) and made my way to the nearest hospital for my blood draw. As I mentioned last week, I have a lot of things to get in order to try to figure out what is going on.

The RE is about an hour away so they allowed me to go to the nearest hospital lab to get my blood drawn. I wasn't thrilled about having to take Eliza with me, but I know she needs to learn how to be quiet in public so she tagged along. This lab is first come first serve, so no appointment, I was going in blind. When we got there Eliza found an Elmo book and plopped down on the floor. She was AMAZING. She was quiet and just flipped through the pictures. She made sure to say Hi to everyone who walked by.

I was called back to our room and Eliza waddled behind me. She climbed up onto a chair and the nurse gave her stickers. I told her mommy needed to do something and she needed to stay right there and be quiet, she said "k"(there is no way she knew what she said). She sat and watched as tube after tube was filled, and talked with the nurse and told her all the different animal sounds that she knows. We were all set and she jumped down and said bye.

That's it. She is such a little kid now. She listens in public(not so much at home with all of her toys distracting her), she is polite, and loves people. We took the elevator up 3 floors to say hi to my Aunt who works there and then headed home.

When I got home I worked on a wreath while she slept then I called to schedule my HSG, hopefully I will hear back soon on when that will be so Mark can take off work.

As I sat here reading the gossip columns I came across the GREATEST story ever!!

Giuliana & Bill Rancic Expecting a Child Via Surrogate

 I have followed their story for years and have had heart break after heart break for them. I am so incredibly happy, and just the hope I needed today!

I will update when my procedure is scheduled. Sorry I have been lacking on tutorials and crafts lately and this has been kind of heavy....just a little preoccupied.


Friday, April 20, 2012


Do you ever have that feeling when you know something is wrong but no one believes you? People dismiss it, or say you are "too emotional" or "google" too much?

Well, that is how I have felt since I had the surgery with Eliza, I knew something just didn't feel right. No, I couldn't physically feel my body changing but I knew something wasn't right.

I made my trip to the Reproductive Endocrinologist(RE) today like scheduled. I was really worked up not knowing what to expect, and having to go alone. I didn't know the area I was going to, and it isn't in the best part of Michigan, so I wasn't too excited. I got there and told myself to just relax and be thankful that there is someone else I can try to get to listen to me.

Hey mom! It's gonna be OK!

When I walked in the office it was very quiet. Not like the OBGYN office I am used to with 100s of women waiting around, looking annoyed. I was actually the only one in there. I was greeted by a wall of HOPE. Picture after picture of babies that were brought into this world thanks to these wonderful DRs.

I got all signed in and took a seat. I am used to waiting 30-60 minutes so I knew I would be waiting a while. I didn't sit there more then 3 minutes and they had me going back to a room. The nurse had me checked all in, Height-Weight-BP-Allergies, and said the DR would come get me in a minute.

The DR came in two minutes later, she was so warm and inviting. She introduced herself and escorted me to her office. I was actually going to have a real conversation with a DR, fully clothed!!!(oh the little things in life) She had me explain why I was there and tell the story of what happened with my surgery in my words, not just what my medical records said. She asked a bunch of questions on my medical history, and actually listened. We were never interrupted with a knock at the door, she never looked at her watch or got a page on her phone, she just looked straight at me and listened.

She told me there were two things that come to mind when I describe my symptoms. A possible pituitary problem, and Ashermans. YES!!! FINALLY!! Someone has said it besides me! I pray to GOD that is not what it is, but finally a real medical expert has said the name before I asked. She did explain that when you loose a lot of blood in the days/weeks after delivery your Pituitary Gland gets jumbled up, and since I hemorrhaged after Eliza, this could be the case. My blood work would have shown this, but it is always a possibility. Obviously, more of my signs point to Ashermans.

We went and did a quick exam...I'll save you this part.

She gave me a run down of the plan and then escorted me to a room for her assistant to set everything up.

Another wall of hope...sorry it is blurry, didn't want to expose these kids faces

Even if my appointment had ended with that I would have been on cloud nine. Finally someone gave me the respect to hear me out. Someone validated my concerns. Someone told me it would all be OK.

As I sat with her assistant we went over everything the DR said and set up a lot of appointments. I have to start by getting back on prenatal vitamins. They explained, and I agree, that a woman of child bearing age that COULD get pregnant, should be on prenatals. They are just as good for you as daily vitamins, but give you some extra vitamins in the case that you do get pregnant. OK, got that prescription.

Next, I have to start charting my daily body temperature. I did this before I got pregnant with Eliza, no big deal. This is just to see if my body is reacting like it should each month through my cycle.

I will be having a blood test done again, there are more things they want to test for and at a certain time in my cycle so we will be doing that.

Last, but certainly not least, I will be having a HSG, we will use this test to see if I have scar tissue in my uterus, or if it has closed completely. This is my biggest fear. The positive part is that she said "if that is the case, we will do surgery". She was very calm and matter of fact. Surgery is not something we want, and will be a last resort, but at least it is an option.

I left there with a packet of information, a to-do list, and hope.

Most of these tests should start within the next week or so, if you are spiritual in anyway, please pray for us. Pray for the DR and pray for the peace in our hearts.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Just What I Needed

Some days it is really obvious that HE brings people into your life for a reason. I am feeling so good right now about my appointment tomorrow, I hope it doesn't fade.

Lets back track about a month. We all know the HORROR we have dealt with when trying to get the floors done in our house. From cheating us on money-waiting weeks to show up-then a horrible job, we have ANOTHER worker in the house.

I was really hesitant about having this guy come. He works for the same company as the people who did such a horrible job. They assured me he is their BEST though(why wouldn't you send him in the first place??) so I just agreed to let it go and have him come.

The guys are wonderful, the minute they walked in the door yesterday I knew it was meant to be. They introduced themselves then asked for Eliza's name. It turns out the head guy has a 2 year old Eliza! I NEVER hear her name and here is a guy working on my house with an Eliza. He also mentioned he had a 2 year old boy. I didn't think twice and just assumed they were twins.

After talking a bit more today, and getting to know each other a bit more, he let me know that Eliza is adopted. After some fertility hurdles they decided to adopt and that is where Eliza was brought into their life. They were also blessed when after many fertility treatments they were able to have their little boy.

Their story is not like ours, it is similar but in many ways different, but it gave me such hope. Hope that even if you aren't able to physically have your child, you can still have your family. After many fertility treatments you can still be blessed with your child. There is always hope and the doors might close but the window is always open!

Here's to tomorrow....our future!!!

Monday, April 16, 2012

4 More Days

4 more days of wondering, 4 more days of anxiety, 4 more days until I have a closer look at my future.

After fully reviewing my hormone levels it turns out they are actually "normal" and can't be the reason for infertility. I texted Mark today saying I don't want to go to the DR Friday. I don't want to know the outlook isn't good. I don't want to be told "we don't know". I don't want to feel uncertain of which path to take. I feel like we have too much going on right now and I am not sure I can handle it. I feel so discouraged with our house situation, I don't want to feel discouraged about our kids.

If we can't have 4 kids, why have a house that big? No matter what we will have more kids, but if adoption or surrogacy is the only way, we won't be able to afford the costs of 3 kids through those means.

I guess I am just having a pitty party for myself today. As Eliza runs around being as sweet as ever, I sit here selfishly thinking about the kids I can't have.

Time to put on my big girl panties and just deal with the situation right??

Sunday, April 15, 2012

MAYBE I Am Too Picky

As we continue to look at houses I am starting to wonder if I am being too picky. I look at house after house online each day. Some are existing houses, and some are new builds. I have never found a house that is perfect....well not in our price range.

When we went over to Mark's parent's house for Easter I was talking with his dad about moving. He reminded me they didn't buy their "dream house" until they were 40. I used all my "yeah buts", but I realized he was kind of right. I am only 27 years old, own a home we bought when I was 23, and already looking for a new one.

We bought this house with the thoughts of it being our forever home. It has enough bedrooms(4) for all of the kids we want. First floor laundry room. Attached garage. Finished daylight basement. Plus all of the upgrades we have done(tile, granite, new carpet, etc). The frustrating thing is our neighborhood as we have mentioned. With interest rates being as low as they are, and the housing market picking back up people are buying like crazy. NOTHING is staying on the market if it is good. This could be our chance.

Now that we have started looking for a new house my wants have changed.
  • 4 bedrooms-plus a bonus room off of one of the kids bedroom for a play room(that can be the shared room when 2 kids have to double up). 
  • First floor laundry room. 
  • Attached 3 car garage, there is no room in a 2 car garage with 2 cars and all of our stuff. The garage needs to be on the side too, not the front
  • Daylight basement, doesn't have to be finished but needs a good amount of light for when we finish it. 
  • Granite
  • Hardwood
  • Tile bathrooms
  • Nice carpet
  • Good paint
  • Brick exterior
  • Dark cabinets
  • Brushed nickle fixtures
  • Gas fireplace
  • Mudroom
  • Office that is NOT one of the bedrooms
  • Dining room
  • Kitchen island with hang over for bar stools
  • Pantry
  • Catwalk staircase
  • LOTS of windows(do they make any that clean themselves, because I would want those too)
  • Split upstairs floor plan. I would prefer the kids room on one side and ours on the other. I don't want their bedrooms by our bathroom for when we get ready in the morning. I want those suckers to sleep as long as possible
  • At least half an acre but would REALLY prefer a full acre
My list can go on and on. I am sure there are 100 things I forgot that have made it a make or break for a house.  I am even more picky when it is a house someone already owns. I have a very tough time seeing past their decorations and clutter.

After feeling a bit discouraged from looking at houses yesterday we started to talk. Maybe we don't HAVE to have the bonus room. It would be nice, but if we don't end up with our 4 munchkins, it wouldn't be a necessity. We can also just look for a house with large enough bedrooms for 2 kids in one. I am sure if my mother was reading this she would remind me how small her bedroom was when she was growing up.

Maybe we don't HAVE to have granite right now, that can be done at another time. Luckily a lot of new builds are including that, so it might work.

3 car garage isn't a deal breaker as long as the 2 car garage has a storage area. Mark does say that a 3 car will be nice for when Eliza is driving, but he doesn't realize that day will NEVER happen.

Maybe I we need to start being a little less picky. If we continue to nitpick every little thing, we will be stuck in this perfectly fine house forever!!

Here is my latest "bookmarked" home plan. I am sure it is TOTALLY in our price range. I would have to change around a few things, of course, but we are on the right track. Who wants to build this one??

Saturday, April 14, 2012

So Disappointed

I have never been so disappointed in a restaurant. Tonight we went to The Pound in Brighton MI with my sister and brother in law. As we walked in the hostess informed us they only have ONE high chair and it was being used. SERIOUSLY one?? We were offered their ONE booster seat(which had no straps) and sat down. I do understand we could have gone somewhere else but at 6pm on a Saturday in Brighton, there aren't many choices. I asked to speak with the manager and he NEVER apologized. He explained they do have one more in the back but haven't assembled it yet(he even made a joke that he told the hostess to go assemble it then they laughed). He said they have only been open a couple of months. I said well you opened with chairs for adults why not children? He looked at me like I was insane and just said they have never needed more then one. I understand it is more of a bar but do not advertise as family friendly, and do not have a children's menu if you can not accommodate them. We did not come at 10pm, it was a normal dinner time for a family. What a complete disappointment. We will not being going back there.

Good As New

Sorry I have been a little absent, we have been busy. Eliza is doing AH-MAZING!! You would never know she had surgery. We stayed in on Wednesday and Thursday but went out on Friday. She came to dinner with us and I had to run to Joann's. Today Mark and I went to look at some more houses so Mimi and Gigi came to watch her. She was so excited! She fell asleep before they got here so I know the excitement was even better when she woke up to them instead of us!

The houses are headed in the right direction. We saw two layouts we liked today, but neither were perfect. The realtor is going to check with the builder to see if we can move it around a bit to make it exactly what we would like.

New tile guys are coming on Wednesday to redo the bathrooms. I am very apprehensive about the whole thing, what if this time it is even worse??

We are going to have dinner with Mimi and Gigi tonight at a new restaurant that we like, I know Eliza will be excited to see them again.

Here are a few pictures of her during her recovery. Talk to you guys soon.

Day after surgery. She was allowed to pick out her own outfit, she didn't watch the weather report

Enjoying dinner with Daddy

Hooray!!! Mimi and Gigi are coming to watch me

Lets load up on SUGAR

Thursday, April 12, 2012

The Longest Day of My Life

I never wanted the day to come. I prayed CONSTANTLY for Eliza's eye to heal itself. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the Lord had a different plan and her surgery day came.

Eliza's surgery was scheduled for 12PM, this meant she could not have her normal diet any time after 6AM. So at 6AM I had to wake her up to eat one last time. I could have given her milk and laid her back down but I figured oatmeal would keep her full longer. I figured I would be fighting her to stay awake but she was running around her room like a mad woman. I am so happy she is too young to understand what was going on. After her oatmeal I laid her back down and she slept until 930. She was allowed to have clear liquids until 10 so we gave her some pedialite(GROSS) and got ready.

The hospital is about 40 minutes away and we had some errands to run so we headed out at 10. We made it to the hospital at 11 for check in. We sat in the waiting room for a few minutes then got to go back to the prep room. Eliza hung out, watched TV, played with the nurses and drs and waited for surgery.

We spoke extensively with the Drs and Anesthesiologist, with me begging to be with her the whole time. I really trusted these men. They were incredibly knowledgeable and very sensitive to Eliza's age.

As the time got closer they gave Eliza a little medicine to help relax her, I wish they could have given some to me. We switched Eliza into her gown and I put on a "bunny suit". They were sweet and allowed Eliza to take back any special things she wanted. She picked her paci, woobs(lovie), baby doll, and a kitty she picked out for her special hospital prize. They tucked everything snug in her crib and told us it was time. I started to shake.

I held Eliza and walked her to the operating room. They advised me before hand of how it would go, but I was never prepared. I sat Eliza down on a table as they started to get things ready. They had me confirm who she was, and after a mix up of her being a girl and not a boy like they thought, we were ready.

The Anesthesiologist put the mask over her face as she tried to fight it. We practiced with a mask back in her prep room but this time she didn't like it. As she wiggled back and forth to get away, she stared up at me. I continued to praise her, telling her how strong she is and how proud of her I was. Her eyes were scared, but she had no tears. Then it happened, she was out, her body went limp and they laid her down. I was able to give her kisses goodbye and broke down. They escorted me out and I cried the whole way back to the room. The poor orderly tried to comfort me but he knew I just needed time.

I made it back to Mark and we picked up our stuff and left for the waiting room, it was 1215. We received a pager and decided to go get something to eat. They told us the surgery only takes about 15 minutes so we knew we had to go quick. The line in the cafeteria was LONG so we needed to hurry. As soon as we sat down to eat our pager went off. I ran-seriously I ran through the hospital-up two stories and to the desk. They looked at me like I was crazy. Apparently the pager has a little screen on it that gives you messages, my message was "surgery has started". Oh, oops. So I went back to the cafeteria, where Mark had already finished eating and we laughed.

We sat around for a while, went outside trying to get cell reception and updated friends and family. We decided to head back up as surgery had to be done any minute.

We waited...and waited..and waited. Finally at 145 we were paged to come to the front desk, again I ran. We were put in a consult room and waited AGAIN. I was nervous, the surgery was supposed to be 15 min and it has been over an hour. After about 10 minutes the DR came in. He told us she was doing well, thank you JESUS, and they were able to remove the blockage. He said this was one of the worst cases he has seen. It took a lot longer to get everything out and make sure she wasn't going to need further surgery.

We were escorted back to the waiting area and were waiting for Eliza to wake up. We were told before surgery it could me minutes, or it could be hours, before they call us back. They said with children they let them sleep as long as they want vs waking them up like they do adults.

A woman called our name about 20 minutes later and hurried us back. She told us Eliza was incredibly upset screaming for me and was inconsolable. As I turned the corner to where she was, my heart sank. Never in my life was I prepared for what I saw or heard. She had her gown on but it wasn't tied on and she had taken it off accept for around her waste, she also ripped out her own IV. Her eye was completely shut and she was SCREAMING. This is a scream I have never heard, and I will never be able to get out of my head. I instantly picked her up, held her, talked to her, and begged God to help her. Mark grabbed a bottle from her bag and that helped. I handed her to Mark so he could help calm her down and I just stepped back and looked at her. Why did no one tell us how bad this was? They let us carry her to a recovery room and bring all of her things.

When we got to recovery my baby was doing better. As long as she had her bottle, even though she wasn't drinking it, she was OK. If we tried to take it away for any reason, she flipped again. She tried to hold every one of her comfort items at once. We had a wonderful recovery nurse who brought her stickers and helped calm her. After 10 minutes she was our girl again, she would say hi to us when she was able to get us in her sight, and talk to us about her kitty. I asked if I could change her diaper and the nurse took me to a changing station. As we walked we came across Giddy, a therapy dog, Eliza was in heaven. She sat and talked to the dog, telling him about her eye, and gave him hugs. I am SO thankful this woman and her dog were there, it was such a calming moment for Eliza.

After I changed her we headed back to the room to go home. We dressed her and packed up. Giddy came to say one more hello then we were on our way. Mark stayed in the back with her as I drove and she did great. She told us stories, watched The Wiggles, and held onto her bottle like no ones business.

When we got home she ran around like our normal monkey and ate some snacks. She was excited to see dog dog and kitty and just relax. She took a quick nap but was ready to run in no time. We took it easy around the house the rest of the night and laid her down for bed. We have to put some meds in her eyes but she is so used to that it didn't bother her. She slept all night and woke up this morning with her normal spirit.

I am so thankful she has come out of this as my spunky monkey. I pray her recovery is quick and painless and we will have no complications in the future. Thank you everyone for your prayers and well wishes!

Below are the pictures from her surgery. I didn't want to put them in the post in case some have a weak stomach. They aren't gory, they are just heartbreaking and pitiful. 


Waking up and getting ready to go

Last drink before cutoff time

On our way

We made it to the hospital


Still waiting

Practicing sitting in the hospital bed

Playing with mommies hair net

Showing daddy my new kitty
Getting sleepy

Just kidding, lets play

Like they even needed to mark which eye

Practicing with the breathing mask
All ready to go

Here we go
First snuggles after surgery

We get to go home!

After about 3 hours at home

Finally got comfy, watching The Wiggles

Looking good this morning

Back to her silly self!!