Monday, April 16, 2012

4 More Days

4 more days of wondering, 4 more days of anxiety, 4 more days until I have a closer look at my future.

After fully reviewing my hormone levels it turns out they are actually "normal" and can't be the reason for infertility. I texted Mark today saying I don't want to go to the DR Friday. I don't want to know the outlook isn't good. I don't want to be told "we don't know". I don't want to feel uncertain of which path to take. I feel like we have too much going on right now and I am not sure I can handle it. I feel so discouraged with our house situation, I don't want to feel discouraged about our kids.

If we can't have 4 kids, why have a house that big? No matter what we will have more kids, but if adoption or surrogacy is the only way, we won't be able to afford the costs of 3 kids through those means.

I guess I am just having a pitty party for myself today. As Eliza runs around being as sweet as ever, I sit here selfishly thinking about the kids I can't have.

Time to put on my big girl panties and just deal with the situation right??

2 comments:

Joanie said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Well girlie, you have youth on your side. Have you tried those one-time use ovulating predictors?

No, I don't think you should "just deal with it". I think you should take control of the issue and be really, really pro-active in your plan to have more children. This is your dream, way too important to give up.

Keep moving forward, keep having the recommended tests, try to stay positive and I bet before you know it, you'll have another sweet baby to announce.

Kalyn Ernest said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Joanie,

Thank you for your sweet words, I needed them today. We have used the ovulating predictors and as of now I am still ovulating. It looks as though my lining is not viable to be able to hold onto the pregnancy. It can cause 2nd trimester miscarriages or problems at delivery-if I even get that far.

Hopefully we will have more answers Friday.

Thank you again