Thursday, April 26, 2012

Never Easy

Yesterday I got a phone call that knocked me off my feet. The RE office called to let me know that my procedure is covered by my insurance, AWESOME, but it will cost me about $2000 out of pocket. I burst into tears. I understand that we are paying our deductible. We clearly have a VERY high deductible and have barely paid on it this year.

I cried and cried and cried to the lady on the phone asking for ways that this could be wrong. The woman was so sweet. She just sat and listened to me loose my mind. She told me to call the insurance company and ask certain questions so we could find out more. I did that, still $2k. I called Mark, I called my Aunt, I texted my best friend and everyone agreed THIS SUCKS.

Do we have the money to pay it? Yes, praise the Lord, but it is not what I expected to use that money for.

I think what I am most frustrated about is that this test might not even give us the answers as to what is going on, this is just the first step. They could get the results and say "Nope, all looks good" what a waste of money right??

I think I could have put out a wild fire with all of the tears I cried yesterday. I think Mark thought he might have to commit me. We discussed it and agreed to go through with the test. OK great...we went to the park and played, put Liezy to bed, then watched a movie. Right before bed I started second guessing myself.

I prayed over and over for God to give me the answer, tell me what the right thing to do is. I woke up feeling defeated, I asked why he didn't bring me the answer.

I texted my sister to tell her what was going on. She asked questions and helped me reason with it. She said what happens if you don't have the test. I said, we try to get pregnant and risk complications of miscarriage and placenta issues. She said "Would you pay $2k to not have a miscarriage?" I said of course...thanks God for giving me my answer.

So Tuesday I will have a test, and we will loose some money out of our savings, but we will be closer to our little peanut and our dreams.

It breaks my heart to see what people have to go through to have children, and my situation isn't even bad. I hear cases everyday of parents abandoning kids, or treating them poorly and it kills me what I would do to have that child.

Please pray that I continue to have peace with my decision. Please pray that my test results come back as everything is clear(gulp $2k for the all clear) and that our little one will be able to join us in the next year or two!

Thanks Mimi